It is nine months of struggle
The aim was to succeed the exam at the end of the year.
So everyday matters, from the first day you choose the bench
that you are going to sit on for the next nine months
To the day, you show up with your candidate’s ID and your pen
Your life depends on it, you eat sleep and breathe maths, chemistry, biology, philosophy, geography, history, French, English, extra-curricular activities
even the physical education which you hate.
The friends you make are strategically chosen
so that they can provide you with resources all year long.
This particular year, I was seventeen going on eighteen.
I have just realized that I have fallen in love for the first time in my life
and I was too proud to tell him first
so he left for another city without any promises or goodbye
And I have experienced my first heartbreak then.
The popular guy in my school set his eyes on me
and went through lots of troubles every day to get my attention
I was the envy of many beautiful and more sophisticated girls in my school
I was growing up, my dad emigrated and my mom worked all the time
I don’t party, but I was free for the first time in my life
There was no one to yell at me when I go home five minutes late
so I watch TV until it is almost time for my mom to get home.
I visit my best friend and meet with other friends at her house.
I had a cellphone,
so my friends called me or texted me all the time
The happiest year of my life but also the most disappointing one
I never realized what a big deal it would have been for me
to pass that exam on the first try
I took anything seriously that year, except my studies
I didn’t realize that
I was going to be the first one in my family to ever complete “school” without failing a class
And I was going to be the first girl that ever succeeded that exam in my dad’s family
All eyes were on me and I had no idea
So that fateful morning, when I ran to the exam site to check the results,
My heart sank ‘cause my name was not on the list, neither was my best friend’s
Neighbors and family called to congratulate me and were extremely shocked to find out that I failed by two points
It’s been 6 years now, but I can’t help but think
That I could have done it, I could have broken the cycle that year if I haven’t abandoned myself.
I am a modest human being, currently living in New York. I am a dreamer, I love everything about life. I express myself through writing so I hope you find something that you can relate to. We can all express ourselves as long as we remain respectful.